Aging & Motherhood

I wish I was one of those people that didn’t care about aging, that could embrace every wrinkle as it came and was content knowing that this life, this age, this time here is fleeting.

I am not one of those people. I find myself battling time and gravity every single day but when I think of what drives my ongoing conflict with getting older i realize it has less to do with vanity and more to do with the repression of my own mortality.

A new wrinkle reminds me I am dying every day, the gobble under my chin reminds me that my son will never be this precious age again, my nasolabial folds remind me of the impermanence of life itself; that nothing lasts forever and all of this and everything I love will be gone one day, at least in the flesh.

Accepting how fleeting every moment is makes me want to hold on tight to my loved ones and never let them go. While attempting to defy life’s transience by capturing it with my iPhone i simultaneously mourn the passing of it; moments become memories almost immediately.

I’ve always hated endings & goodbyes and aging reminds me of those very things. I am a nostalgic person; living one foot in the present and the rest of me reminisces. I realize now my fear of aging has nothing to do with looks but is my desperate attempt to stop time, on a physical level. No matter how much Botox or oxygen facials, I can’t stop the train of time and every new wrinkle reminds me of this.

I can only find solace in reminding myself that we are NOT our bodies and TIME and SPACE are an ILLUSION that only exist in a REALM that is not ULTIMATE REALITY. ✨I pray for confirmation of this every day. I am just a spiritual being temporarily housed in meaningless flesh, having a human experience, embracing each fleeting moment here on earth. BUT I still will never embrace wrinkles. #eternal #spirit #finite #flesh #aging